The other day, I was reading Green Enough for Me’s blog post: Time out for Mommy. Go read it. Now or after you finish MY post, just read it. Anyways, I left her a comment and kinda forgot about it. Then she emailed me and it prompted this post. So here goes.
When I go out without my kids I feel kinda naked and exposed. People are more afraid of my wheelchair and letting their kids near me and I don’t like it. I guess in a way that’s bad for me?! Do I use my children as a cover to make things easier?! I don’t remember feeling like this BEFORE I had them. I sometimes feel like maybe people think I don’t like kids when they see me without them. All kinds of messed up things go through my head. If someone apologizes for their son (girls do it too but it’s ALMOST ALWAYS THE BOYS) touching my tires, I giggles and tell them I have 2 at home with daddy (g’ma, sitter, playdate…). They look at me funny. Really. They do. They don’t look at me funny when I am OUT with the boys though so maybe it’s all in my head.
Now, it’s not like I go without my boys that often. I don’t. . .but yeah. . . I don’t like it and it’s time I tell someone so THANK YOU, Sidnie for prompting me to get that out.
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P.S. I’ll get 365s up soon :)Â . . I promise.
i think you can chalk most of the weirdness of people down to people not knowing how to act. Most of them probably don't know someone in a wheelchair personally so they don't know what to do if their kids get in your way or touch your wheels.
btw.. testing commentluv
.-= Andy Bailey´s last blog ..Minor update to the affiliate stats and 2 got paid =-.
I agree, Andy! I guess I having my kids WITH me relaxes them and makes it a little more clear I am closer to normal 🙂
I feel naked without my kids. I feel more comfortable in public when they are with me, than I do without them. They're an icebreaker.
You're not alone in your feelings.
I'm glad I was able to prompt your post. I know that once I can see something on paper, written out, I can start to work through the feelings/situation and work towards a better end.
🙂
.-= Sidnie´s last blog ..Time Out for Mommy… =-.
My wife gets the same thing, and we dont have kids…we get the weird looks at the mall or whatever, and the parents who want to discourage their kids from asking about the chair…my wife doesnt really go out and do shopping much on her own though, but thats her personal choice in that she hates driving and only does it when she has to, like going to work and back, other than that we do it together, which may not always be possible, especially when there are kids in the picture and an actual career for me.
Sam
Thanks Sidnie!!
See…. I hate when people pull their kids away! I never let them get away with it! I always interact in return. In the end they always show relief . . . 🙂
Thank you for sharing this.
.-= Susan (5 Minutes for Mom)´s last blog ..Monday Mingle Feb 8 2010 =-.
Hi priscilla,
People ignore me all the time. They treat me as a ghost. They only see the chair and not the person inside it. The really scary part is I have family Aunt, Uncle,Cousins that invite me over for the holidays and then act like I am not even there. I told them that they invite me to their home out of obligation to my mother and father but they say no. They continue to say that they want me in their home.
When it is really important I don't let anyone ignore me but sometimes I don't have the fight in me. I like to pick my battles. A wise man holds his tongue. I let my yes be yes and my no be no.
I love kids and for the most part they love me to. They climb on me and my chair all the time. Kids are wonderful judge of character. They shoot right to the heart of the matter, rather good or bad. I can respect that. It is just fine to let your kids be a buffer between you and the public. You love and take care of your kids everyday let them return the favor.
People fear what they do not understand.
Well my friend that was a lot of typing for me. I think I have used up my words for one day. Hope it helps a little. Take care,
Steve
I think people in general are afraid or at least curious when it comes to wheelchairs but I know the look that you're talking about. My mom has MS and when she needs a wheelchair to get around we get THAT look too. I'm fairly outspoken about it and will question people when I notice them staring or making my mom feel uncomfortable but generally it comes down to them wondering "what's wrong with her, she doesn't LOOK sick." It's aggravating but I try to put it down to curiousity, not that that helps the feelings you feel when it happens but it's easier to handle when you see it as curiousity rather than rudeness, at least it is for us.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Monday Mingle – February 8, 2010 =-.
Do you think having the kids around takes some of the mystery out of your wheelchair for other people? They see that your kids are comfortable with it and see you interact with them just like any other mom so they aren't quite so afraid.
.-= corrin´s last blog ..I told you so. =-.
I totally think that could be what it is– YES~~
I can see where I have in the past not allowed the kids to touch or get right on top of someone with a wheelchair but it is mainly because I dont want them to get in the way or offend the person. You dont know how the person feels about kids being curious and are worried they might bother them…mine is more about being polite and not wanting to upset anyone. I guess being cautious like that can be more offensive than allowin kids to interact and be kids. For all of you out there I apologize and will do my best to allow kids to be kids, then if someone does end up having a problem deal with it then.
When I see someone with kids it does let me know that their kdis surely climb all over them all the time so they are used to the things kids do best 🙂 so I can see where people let their guard down more when they see ur a mommy. I guess because we know whatever the kids do u will understand!!
Love u Cilla