Life out of Focus: Becky

I met Becky on Twitter last fall when I was preparing for Bloggy Boot Camp. She was hoping to attend and we were going to be roomies. Plans for that feel through but we’ve stayed twitter/blog friends. She and her girls are absolutely beautiful.

Please make sure you stop by Becky’s blog, Life Out of Focus.

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Grateful

I’m one of those people who, for the most part, have had a pretty great adult life. My childhood had a lot of “eh” moments, but my life since I’ve been married has pretty much gone according to plan. We got married young, like we wanted. We had our first daughter, Hannah, when I was 21 and The Man was 23. Young. We wanted a young family. Back then, after I had Hannah, I knew I had to go back to work after having her. I was okay with that. We were a young couple and we had just built a house. Money was tight. So I worked. The Man worked. His mom kept Hannah while we did this. Six years later Livie came along and when I was pregnant with her I begged to stay home with her. We were more settled. But after evaluating our finances there was just no way it would work out. So I went back to work after having her with a very heavy heart. It killed me to leave Livie every day. I wanted to be home with her…bonding with her…spending my days with her and not missing any moments as I had with Hannah for years.

Finally, in April, my dream came true. I was able to quit my job and stay home with Livie all day long. Hannah’s in school but once summer comes, she’ll be home with us all day too. I can’t even begin to describe what this has done for all of us. I feel better emotionally and physically. And although Hannah IS in school, I love that I’m the one that drives her there and picks her up. I love that I get to hear her after school chatter on the way home. I like to ask her about her day when the school day is over and not hours later as I got home from work. I love being more present. My laundry is caught up for the first time in years. My house isn’t a disaster all week long. I can tell Livie is happier with me home with her all day. Hannah has told me she loves that I quit my job and I’m home more. I feel like I can finally make up for some of the time I spent away from Hannah all those years.

The thing is, I see clearer now. I thought that being gone at work all day made me less of a mom in some ways. Sure, it was my own mental battle because deep down I knew that that wasn’t true. There are so many things that make you a mom…not to mention that I’m not JUST a mom but a wife, sister, friend, daughter…etc. I never wanted to be defined as JUST a mom. I never wanted my blog to be defined as a mommy blog. What I’m seeing now though is that it IS a mommy blog for the most part. And although I’m not JUST a mom, most of the aspects of my life revolve around being a mom now that I’m not working.

And? I’m okay with that. I’m actually very happy about it because that’s exactly what I wanted.

Something else though? It’s okay to NOT just be a mom. It’s okay to be a mom AND a lawyer…or a mom AND a secretary…or a mom AND a waitress. It’s okay to be lots of different things and STILL be a mom. Moms come in so many different packages and at the end of the day, our kids know they’re loved and we can go to bed at night happy knowing that whether we were the ones home with them all day or they were at school or daycare or with a family member or a nanny…they were loved. Someone hugged them. Someone kissed them.Someone loved them while we were away.

I worked for 9 1/2 years at that job before I quit. For 8 years of Hannah’s life and 2 years of Livie’s I’m grateful that someone else hugged and kissed my babies while I worked all day. They were loved. And now? That gets to be me. It’s finally my turn.

Grateful. So, so grateful.