I just finished crying because of this post.
I was rambling in her comments and decided I should write my own post before tomorrow just in case this baby is a boy and not a girl and I don’t have the chance to do what I want to do.
In 1986 my 18 year old sister, Lisa, died of an aneurysm. It was sudden. We are pretty sure she did not suffer. I was 5. I remember so clearly every detail of the funeral home. I don’t really want to get into that though.
When I was pregnant with Lucas, I was headed to the mall with William and a Kenny Chesney song came on. I was listening to the words and bawling. Instantly. The lyrics made me think of Lisa. Would she have had kids? boys? girls? Would she be married to the same man? Would we be best friends?
Here is the song.
Kenny Chesney’s “Who you’d be today”
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can’t believe you’re goneChorus:
It ain’t fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
The death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I’ve been through
Just knowing no one could take your *place*(instead of ‘love away’)
Sometimes I wonder who you’d be todayWould you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family?
I wonder, what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky’s so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazyChorus
Today, Today, Today
Today, Today, TodaySunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I’ll see you again somedaySomeday, Someday
I will never know. Her name was Lisa Ann. I did not yet know if Lucas was a boy or a girl. I decided RIGHT THEN that if we had a girl her name would have some form of Lisa Ann. So that is why if this baby is a girl she will be named Chloe AnnaLisa. I could NOT look at my baby every day and call her Lisa. It would hurt to much. I can’t imagine what it would do to my mom. My mom does know my plans and she thinks it’s beautiful.
There she is on her wedding day; one month before her death.
The other women are my sisters (except for Karen, not sure where she was) and our mom.
Here is another one with of all my mom’s daughters (she had 5 girls and 4 boys for a total of 9, just in case you didn’t know that)
This is so sad! I’m so sorry for your loss. I think giving your maybe-baby-girl that middle name is a beautiful tribute. And even if this baby is a boy, it’s the thought that counts.
I’ve never heard that song before, but those lyrics are beautiful & brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing them.
Renee´s last blog post ..Happy Valentines Day!
@Renee, Thanks. The song is very powerful when you hear him sing it. Search for it on itunes or amazon. I am sure they have a clip of it you can sample.
Xoxoxoxo
Great post and great gal u are!
katie´s last blog post ..Advice For The SAHM
What a wonderful memorial tribute!
That’s so sad and I’m so sorry to hear that. Beautiful song and wondeful tribute to your sister.
I love the badge!! I wouldn’t have been able to do anything like that!!! Looks great! 🙂
Mommy’s Sippy Cup´s last blog post ..ABCs Of Parenting
@Mommy’s Sippy Cup, Thanks. Sadly we won’t be using it now.
@Mommy’s Sippy Cup, NOT SAD it’s a boy. Sad I won’t be using it.
I am here via SITS, but it feels inappropriate to wish you a happy SITS day in a comment on this post. I am really sorry for your loss. The song seems beautiful. I’ll check if it’s available on Youtube.
All my sons have names that tie to someone either me or my husband loved in our respective families. The story and love with each name goes with them everywhere – like what you did with your sister’s name. Tried to read MamaKats story and just couldn’t make it through.
bluecottonmemory´s last blog post ..Sons- Love and The Girl
@bluecottonmemory, We did that with the first two boys. I’m not 100% sure what we are doing with this baby.
Hi Priscilla,
Stopping by from SITS and just had to read this post.
I don’t want to share too much out of respect for others but we nearly lost my dad to an aneurysm when he was 16. We did lose his brother, my uncle, to an aneurysm at 35 and it’s a awful, unexpected thing.
I think it’s a wonderful, sensitive thing you’re doing with your tribute. A reminder, to cherish and live every day.
P.S. Your strength and outlook is amazing.
Marilenn´s last blog post ..Under Construction
@Marilenn, Wow. Scary and sad for your family. I’m sorry. I wish I had the chance to use the name, but now that we are having a boy, I do not. Oh well. 🙂
Thank you very much for visiting on my SITS day.
=( oh, im sorry to hear that. =( im speechless… =(
vivi b.´s last blog post ..Our Valentine’s Celebration
@vivi b., Thank you very much for visiting on my SITS day and for commenting on a post that really means a lot to me.
I am sorry about your sister. What a beautiful song. Is there a way to incorporate something your sister loved in your Baby No. 3’s name?
LisaDay
@LisaDay, I don’t think so. I’l ask my mom though. Thanks for the suggestion. 🙂
So sorry for your loss! It’s amazing how choosing baby names tie us into loved ones…and those tough memories. Our son is named for his grandparents. While they’re both still living, they’re nearing the end and it makes it even more painful to watch, knowing that they won’t have that relationship with him.
I pray that this baby is a girl so you can pay homage to your sister with little Chloe AnnaLisa.
Lin´s last blog post ..Wordless Wednesday-Mealtime Gone Awry
@Lin,
Just caught up in another comment with the news that baby is a boy. So sorry that you won’t be able to use the name. I hope that you are able to find another way/time to do so.
Lin´s last blog post ..Wordless Wednesday-Mealtime Gone Awry
I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I did not know that and I can only imagine how devastating that must be. Maybe you could use the letters of her name with a boy? Or something with the same sound like Liam?
I know that is not the main point…
I just want you to know that I am thinking about you and your family.
And kudos to your momma – 9 kids holy cow!
Brittany at Mommy Words´s last blog post ..Bowling Ball vs My Baby
@Brittany at Mommy Words, You are very sweet. I have a William so a Liam wouldn’t really work 🙂 besides we have picked a name, but have not announced it yet. I guess in a way her middle name is sorta in his name …. I’ll tell you soon or if you email me I can tell you 😀 heheh.
contact me emails me directly.
What a wonderful tribute to your sister and her memory. How tragic that must have been for your whole family.
Jessica´s last blog post ..Kind
What an a amazing post. I too have lost a sister. My sister passed away 4 years ago this year. It still wears very heavy in my heart. I can truly appreciate what you are feeling.
Btw, my name is actually Lisa Ann.
Odd similarities huh?
Good luck with everything.. You yourself are a tremendous inspiration!
Thanks for visiting today
Lisa
@Lisa, I am very sorry for your loss. That is very awesome that you are Lusa Ann. You must rock 🙂
I always accidentally call one of my daughter’s my sister’s name as she looks very much like her and was born just shortly after what would have been her 25th birthday. She died when she was 13 from lymphoma.
Your poor mom what she must have gone through when you had your accident!
I know in my heart that God is fair and I believe that He will make everything right for them in the next life.
Caren with a “C”´s last blog post ..Baby Showers- Bulk Pantry Storage- Gardening- and Routines
What a beautiful tribute!
Christa aka the BabbyMama´s last blog post ..Its Been an Amazing Two Years
boo. i cried when i read this song.. It sums it up I always wonder those same things. She would have had kids she loved kids!!