The woman that caused my accident? She was one of my best friends at the time.
I’ve only “spoken” to her through letters when I was pregnant with William. I can’t even remember if I told her I was expecting.
She was also married to my brother, at the time.
Where is she now? I’m not really sure. I’ve heard a little bit here, and a little bit there. When her oldest son, my nephew, got married, I saw her in the background of one of the pictures.
That’s where it’s stopped. I’ve heard rumors that she’s made snarky comments about having “served her time”. It was lead to imply no one should be angry or upset and all should be forgiven. I have not heard this first hand, so I have no idea how many times it may or may not have been twisted “telephone” style before it got to me.
Do I blame her? YES.
Do I forgive her? I suppose that I do. That’s a question I struggle with answering. Saying NO implies I want to go back and change everything and that is far from the truth. Saying yes implies I should “forget” about it. I know people are often “forgiven but not forgotten” so maybe that’s where we can leave it?!
Do I want to be her best friend again. Not hardly.
Do I want to know her again? Yes, I think so??
Will I take the action to reconnect? No.
It’s really a bizarre situation. She took my life and turned it upside down. I didn’t let it stay that way. I wouldn’t change any of it because I adore the life I have today.
My mom and brother? That’s a completely different story. They don’t get it. Not entirely. My brother looks at me like a pitiful invalid. It’s really funny. The stares, shaking of his head. It’s actually insulting. My mom is still just devastated that my life was changed so drastically. I know that she sees how happy I am but I don’t think she gets it the way I do. She always talks about how things have to be so much more difficult for me but yet I do it anyways.
The funny thing? Things aren’t difficult for me.
I’ve really gotten off track with this one, so I will go ahead and close for now. If there is ever a reconnection, I will let you know.
I knew you were in a wheelchair only because of your Twitter ID. I see you as a face, a writer, a tweeter. No one can tell you if/when to forgive.
I had no idea of your story. Clearly there was an accident. What I think and what you probably know is that her snarkiness is the way she’s decided to move on without the incredible weight of guilt.
I once had a situation where I decided to reach out. Not extend an olive branch but just open the lines of communication. And now my son has his grandfather.
@Fadra, I’ve never turned down an offer to talk or communicate with her, she just has opened or extended and offer.
I think one day I may. Just not today :).
I can’t even imagine how you must feel towards her. I’ve read the story of your accident and I can’t blame you for your anger or resentment. I think it’s actually quite remarkable that you are able to talk about her without malice in your words. I hope that someday you receive some sort of closure for all of this, but it seems like you may have already. You seem fairly at peace with the situation.
Lindsay´s last blog post ..One Day Without Shoes
@Lindsay, I think part of it is that she WAS my best friend, my sister-in-law and I loved her dearly. I still do, I suppose. I do miss her.
Love you, that’s all! 🙂
Deena´s last blog post ..Failed Aspirations…
@Deena, ((HUG))
I wonder if your mother and brother have some form of survivor’s guilt…..its really too bad, that would be a hard way to live for everyone. And, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself, not to the one who hurts you. My boyfriend’s brother was injured in an accident when he was serving in the military. That dude lives a wicked good life!! google Patrick McDonald (US Paralympics) if you feel like it…I’m sure that no one needs to worry about you either 😉
Christine´s last blog post ..Spring Madras Purse
@Christine, I guess it could be “survivor’s guilt” although they were no where around when IT happened and I’ve clearly “survived” better then they have 🙂
Beautiful blog. I read your FAQs too. Forgiveness is a tough one, some believe that it means forgetting and never speaking of it again, others it is a way of setting the person free including yourself, but it is extremely difficult.
A friend suggested the book, The Shack, it is a story of forgiveness and you will cry, but come away with a different perspective on forgiveness, I know I did.
You are the perfect example of attitude! I love it! I tell my kids and I told my students when I was teaching that “attitude is everything.” You are living those words!
Thanks for stopping by on CommentHour.
Alie´s last blog post ..Poll- Which Wedding Hairstyle
@Alie, The Shack is on my MUST READ list but my friend owns a book store and she won’t let me have it while I’m pregnant!! hahah.
it is a very personal and sometime very hard choice to make… to forgive or not. or to forgive with indifference towards the person… thanks for sharing
@Miranda H., It’s VERY difficult, yes.
Let me begin by saying thank you for commenting on my post at The Homeschool Classroom. I encourage you to read posts on the that blog for all kinds of encouragement and ideas about homeschooling. Also, you may want to visit the author’s personal blogs for more “real life” stories of homeschoolers.
Wow! I am glad to have found your blog. What a story, what a life you have. I am looking forward to reading your story.
Have a great day!
@Roan, Thank you for stopping by.
Thanks for posting this. It takes a lot to be honest. To me personally, forgiveness means unchaining YOURSELF from any power that person may hold over you in the form or bitterness, anger, or the ability to hurt you. But it doesn’t sound like you struggle with that! I don’t think humans CAN forget something like that. I think there comes a time when you can think of it without as much pain, but we can’t completely forget.
Thanks for sharing yourself with us. You have a lot to give!
@Kerri, Thank you for your heartfelt words. They mean a lot!
I love your attitude toward challenges. I am glad that I found your blog.
Kim @ Stuff could´s last blog post ..Dining at Flip Burger Boutique
@Kim @ Stuff could, Thank you. I am happy you found me too 🙂
Forgiveness is a hard thing that is so personal, no one has the right to tell you how you should work the process. I think of forgiveness as something I do for myself, not the other person.
Traci Reed´s last blog post ..New Little Blog
@Traci Reed, You are so right, Traci. It is for me. No one else. It’s been a long process that I keep coming back to. I guess when the time is right FOR ME, I will know. Thank you for that reminder.
I can’t imagine how I’d feel toward someone who was responsible for changing my life in the way she changed yours. Forgiveness can be a really challenging thing, especially with something so serious. Your attitude toward what happened is amazing. Inspirational, really!
Samantha´s last blog post ..These Days
I love your joy, I love your appreciation for your life. You just exude positivity. Thank you for spreading such warmth. This was a great post. I’m sorry about your brother’s attitude. And your former best friend. But it sure doesn’t seem like you let them or anything else get you down.
At my brother’s 10th birthday party our dog suddenly attacked one of the little boys present at the party. His face was literally ripped off. He went through several surgeries and his family simply up and moved in the middle of the night. (Now that I’m older I feel it was probably for the need for financial and emotional support.) I feel so incredibly guilty for causing all that pain; the ruin of an innocent little boy. That was 27 years ago — and I would never, ever think of saying anything snarky. I am so sorry that you have heard that is happening. It just isn’t right.
Phoenix Rising´s last blog post ..Think you know everything You obviously dont have a Teen
Thanks for sharing….
Weekend Cowgirl´s last blog post ..Easter Fun
I don’t follow a lot of people back on Twitter, but I was intrigued by your name so I had to come and leave a comment. You write like a strong person and you tell your story beautifully. For years I grappled with being able to forgive my mother and evaluate our relationship for what it was/is. Eventually, I made the conscious decision to not have a relationship with her (long story), but I don’t hate her nor am I angry with her anymore. That’s what I truly believe “forgetting” is–not being angry, not holding a grudge, not bottling up. That is how I have been able to heal anyway. I probably will always wish that our relationship had been different, but that’s one wish that will probably never come true.
Screwed Up Texan´s last blog post ..Remember the Great Egg Incident of 2011? Well That’s Nothing.
I have a difficult time keeping track of NEW comments on old posts and you also left this is at a time I was newly admited into the hospital, so I wanted to come back and say THANK YOU for stopping by and for your supportive and encouraging words.
I know you said it’s difficult to keep track of new comments on old posts, but I couldn’t resist commenting. Your strength of character to me is only something I can strive to have. You have a wonderful outlook on life and your optimism is infectious. I have a hard time letting little things go sometimes but you’ve given me a new perspective. I guess it’s true we shouldn’t focus too much on the little things.
Kelly @ Texas Type A Mom´s last blog post ..Stay Warm and Show Team Spirit with Infinity #MascotWear #CBias
Letting go is NEVER easy! (Hugs)
What a beautiful inspiring story. Thank you for the inspiration.
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