I love being a mom, I love to nurture; so in honor of Mother’s Day I wish to talk about something near and dear to me. It may involve your child.
I get this question from little kids (3-9?) all the time and each time it makes me giggle just a little. “Why can’t you walk?” “Are your legs broken?” or “why are you in there?”
At first the mom or dad is just horrified and humiliated that their child would ask me such a question, but they start to relax the moment they see me smile.
I will usually start with something simple just to see if that will pacify them. I simply state that my legs don’t work anymore. Kids, will be kids, so more often then not they ask, “why?”.
Hmm, I’ll usually twist my mouth a little and pretend to ponder their question as if it is the most important question ever. And it is. They really want to know.
Once again, I try to keep it simple. I tell them that we all have nerves in our back that are kind of like a cord on a lamp, and my cord was cut, so it no longer works. The nerves send special signals to your legs and arms so they move but my legs don’t get the special signals anymore.
The child will usually look at me funny and just say, “oh, ok”. It’s almost always the exact same conversation. The same looks. The same reaction from the parents. Yet, each time it makes me proud to know that a child has learned that they can inquire about things. They can learn about different walks (or rolls) of life. Everybody is different yet we all share the same desire to be a part of each other’s worlds.
Please, let your child ask questions. Don’t be afraid of what someone will think. Chances are, they would love to tell your child why their hair is blue, or they have a scar down their face. They want to inform you but if you don’t ask, how will they know you care?
P.S. I decided to link this post to a few linky parties.
I smile since I get that question from kids all the time also. Also embarrassed parents. I ask them if they like my bike? I say I got sick, maybe that is not a good answer but cannot think of anything else
Kim @ Stuff could….´s last blog post ..A Letter from my Son for Mothers Day
@Kim @ Stuff could…., Maybe you could tell them that sometimes a person gets a rare kind of sick that makes it impossible to move your legs so you have to use the chair so you can still get around.
I absolutely agree! I think parents are so worried that people in wheelchairs (or anyone who has a disability) will be offended. But . . . this is our normal, everyday life, so why wouldn’t we want to share about it?
Jenn @ South of Sheridan´s last blog post ..The Last Mother’s Day
@Jenn @ South of Sheridan, I think parents are worried about different … period :). Disability or not.
Thank you for posting this! I’m the Mom that gets all upset and tells my child “that’s not nice to ask”, even though, he’s not being mean. But, I’m embarrassed & don’t know what to say! Ah..so nice to hear that it’s OK for kids to be kids 🙂
@Jenny Lenczycki, Yes. let them ask!! 🙂 Just sit back and let them converse. You don’t really have to say anytihng. I do get Thank you a lot when we are done but it doesn’t matter: )
I love this! I’m the same way with the trach….I’d just as soon people ask…especially kids if they’re curious. Otherwise they could get kinda freaked out or scared. They ask what it is, what it’s for, and I just keep it simple. The reaction is usually the same: Oh, OK.
@Kerri, yup. Lot’s of “oh”. hehe. they really just want to know. that’s it.
Thank you for this. I will definitely keep it in mind when/if the children and I are out and see someone using a wheelchair and they have questions. And I love the way you explain it to those who do. 🙂
Elaine´s last blog post ..Walking Together
@Elaine, Thank you 😀
Thanks for writing this. I’ve tried to let my kids ask those kinds of questions when the situation arises. I hope that most people realize it is innocent curiosity and not meant to be rude. So thanks for making me feel like it is okay to let my kids be kids (politely of course).
@nicole, I am sure they totally know it’s just childhood curiosity and I’ve rarely had a kid not be polite, so i am sure even if you (or anyone else) think it’s rude, It’s probably don’t 🙂
One time an older kid (maybe 12) looked at me, looked at my feet and asked “uuuh, why are your feet PURPLE?” in that kinda snotty 12 yo tone . I explained that Idon’t have good blood flow so they turn purple sometimes. He then smiled and asked if I should go home and take care of it. I didn’t think he was rude. just curious and concerned.
Jenny, kids asking me don’t bother me in the least! I’d rather questions than stares.
Wheelchair Mommy, I like your explanation, since my injury is nerve related. I think I’ll borrow it!
Shari´s last blog post ..Five Minute Friday- Motherhood
@Shari, yes. please. borrow away 🙂
I applaud you. Children learn by asking. And who better then other people in their life. Sometimes it sinks in so much more when they learn from someone other then their parent.
Proud to be able to spread this message. Thank you Priscilla.
@Stasha, Thank you!! Yes, we ALL learn from asking ;)Adults are free to ask too
I’m so glad you addressed this issue. I try to not be embarrassed when Charlie asks questions. I would rather he quietly go up and ask and not yell across the store but I’m working on that part of the equation.
Elizabeth´s last blog post ..Multi – Cultural Festival
@Elizabeth, sometimes they yell across the store, hehe and I go over and answer with a smile so they won’t get in trouble 😀
I’m so much more of a brat than you…in my two months in the chair when kids would ask, I’d emphasize the screws in my foot just to gross ’em out. Parents were always dying to ask about the weird hole in the cast for the ultrasound bone healer device (which I am dubious as to whether or not that worked, but it was still funky). Sometimes I thought I should have a sign made so I could stop repeating myself. 😉
More seriously, it’s great when any of us can help normalize differences, which is not an oxymoron! It’s normal to be different and more parents need to know that it’s okay to talk about differences. Hushing is marginalizing and nobody needs more of that. They mean well when they hush, of course, because that’s the old “polite” thing, but I say it’s 2011, let’s all communicate openly about more things and let everyone share the light together.
@Kimberly Chapman, yes, so many things used to be taboo … I am thrilled we live in a time where people aren’t so closed minded.
I point my my scars sometimes and tell them about the 12 inch rod attached to my spine:D
My mom would love this post! She loves when kids are curious about her chair 🙂
@Shawna, I’ll make sure she see’s it 😀
You have such a great attitude! I think it’s so awesome that you have 2 kids (AND one on the way! Dang, girl!) and live your life to the fullest. Thanks for linking up to Sunday Funday. I’m glad to have found your site!
@Carri, Oh, yay!! Thank you. I will add the linkie now 🙂 I wasn;t sure since it was no longer sunday, haha.
I work in health care, so my kids have been around people will all sorts of things going on for a long time. And the thing I’ve always taught them is, “very few people don’t want to share their story.” No one – not once ever, has been offended when they ask. Listening and understanding is one of the most important things we can give.
I’m glad that you’re teaching parents that through the doorway of their (totally naturally) curious kids.
Lori´s last blog post ..Spandex Hates Tall People
@Lori, Thanks. I think it’s very important for parents to let their kids ask questions ANY time. It’s good to hear that my perception is the norm from your experience!! 🙂
What a great post and reminder! My son has said things or asked questions to people and I often get nervous for their reactions. But you are right. Kids need to learn and they are curious. This really opened my eyes to allowing them to ask away. Thank you 🙂
@Tina @ Life Without Pink, You are welcome and thank you for reading 😀
A great post – kids are naturally curious, and it’s good to know that we should encourage the questions (nicely asked) instead of shoving them under the rug! 🙂
gigi´s last blog post ..10 Signs It’s The End of The School Year
@gigi, I love kids for their natural curiosity. It’s one of my favorite things: )
I agree, my wife uses a chair for distance due to spina bifida, but we both agree, it is definitely better to ask than to assume 🙂 love the blog
Sam
@Sam, Thank you. 😀
I love how considerate you are of the kids when they ask you. It would be so easy for some people to get grumpy or annoyed with repeated questions. Your thoughtful answers surely put them and their parents at ease.
@Leigh Ann, It’s easier to be nice then grumpy, heheh. 🙂 But yes sometimes a child can ask why? why? why? why? no matter what I say. haha.
Love it. You know my girls and I don’t think they’ve asked once. They’re unusual. They just usually take things at face value and move along. I think since they’re avid readers they’ve actually already encountered a lot of different people in books and so it’s not really new to them in real life. Always makes me curious though what goes through their heads.
@Jenine, You’re right. They never did ask 🙂
Beautiful post Priscilla! Not only are kids curious, so are adults. I love how welcoming you are to the questions.
Christina´s last blog post ..GMC Terrain
@Christina, Thanks, Christina! Somebody has to be and I love being that person 🙂 It’s just me.
Thank you for sharing this! I like the message and will remember it for my girls.
Carol
Carol Ramsey´s last blog post ..The Same But Different
@Carol Ramsey, You are welcome and that is great to hear 🙂
what an awesome post. m (who is a paramedic & owns her ambulance service) participates in lots of school functions, & the kids are so adorable. they always are amazed that she actually can’t feel her legs. it’s so important for those that can, to encourage kids’ questions, because with understanding comes acceptance!
When my son was 6, a friend asked him why I walk with “those sticks”. Mom looked horrified, of course. Without missing a beat, my guy answered “so she doesn’t fall over when she walks.”. The kid was satisfied. Things have gotten more complicated with “maturity” and that puberty need to have your mom be just like everyone else’s.
Well put – I wish people knew that it’s okay to ask about differences. With my son, I would rather kids (and adults too) simply ask rather than stare and wonder as I mention in this post, very similar to yours: (http://www.moreskeesplease.com/2011/01/want-to-know-just-ask-message-to.html).
By the way, I enjoyed meeting you in person at the ABGNO last night! We didn’t get to chat much, but I do love reading your blog and hopefully we can mingle again soon!
Taryn Skees´s last blog post ..A Very Messy Moment
I’ll read that soon!! And yes, we must talk next time!