Breaking the rules

I try so very hard not to post the stuff that may some day embarrass my kids.

I REALLY try.

However, when I need an entire bottle glass of wine to wrap my head around what happened TWICE, it’s probably one of those moments I need to share.

Am I right?

Tuesday I went out with my friends for brunch and shopping, and when I got home I told Charlie he should try and catch The Hobbit. He’d be wanting to go and the timing was good.

He wouldn’t be home until after bedtime but that wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle

I also know what it can be like to spend ALL DAY ALONE with 3 boys. I do it every day. He deserved the break after allowing me to spend his money buy awesome boots and stuff.

The evening goes well.

Lucas starts his bath and I get Nathan in.

I turn to do something, maybe get a towel? take a drink of wine? I’m not sure what, it doesn’t really matter.

Oh, yes, the baby shampoo.

I lean over the tub to search for the cup so I can wash his hair and there is this strange stuff. It’s EVERYWHERE. It’s a brown foam. Or something.

It’s NOT brown foam.

It’s crap. Nathan freaking pooped in the tub.

Now, I’ve been doing this mom thing for right at exactly 8 years and THIS. HAS. NEVER. HAPPENED.

Ever.

I grab a towel, get the baby and DEMAND Lucas out and into the shower.

Tears. OH, DEAR GOD THE TEARS!

He wanted a bath and ONLY a bath would do.

I start shouting like all good moms do.

SHOWER. NOW, DANG IT. There is CRAP ALL OVER THE TUB AND IT WILL MAKE YOU SICK AND WE WILL HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL, for the LOVE OF GOD – GET IN THE SHOWER – NOW!!!

Somehow, things calm down and I get the baby cleaned up in my sink because for the first time EVER, my sink is FULL of dishes so I can’t bathe him in there.

I get the kids to bed and let Charlie deal with the shit when he gets home. Literally.

I think he used all my bleach.

The next day I ran the toys in the dishwasher and we threw out all the foam letters and toys with hidey holes.

NOW, would you believe me if I tell you it happened AGAIN.

TONIGHT.

TWO NIGHTS LATER.

Yes, yes it did.

Would you believe me if I told you Daddy was NOT home, yet again?

This time he was actually AT WORK, so I could afford those boots. Oh and the house and car and things like that.

Would you believe it was NOT the baby this time?

NO.

It was not me.

Sheesh.

I truly hesitate to write this because I know in 20 years my son may not get a job he really needs, because his boss will find this story on my long forgotten blog and turn him down for the girl who wore daisies in her hair every day and never spilled her milk. He will have to move his family back home with me and our life will be a nightmare. Their kid will poop in the tub and the circle will be complete.

I must finish the story though.

Tonight it was Lucas.

Poor guy. He really wanted that bath he didn’t get to finish the night before last (no I DO NOT bathe my kids daily. JUDGE AWAY) so he was bouncing off the walls excited to go start his water.

I went in and checked the temp, told him to get in and went out to get the baby.

I came back heard the word poopie. Hmm.

Did you say you went poopie? I thought maybe he needed to go.

He was holding up the pitcher I use to rinse their hair. It had …. Poopie in it.

I tell him he has to get out and he said that NO, he caught the big one and it was in there and the little one was trapped.

He was sitting on this tub I keep all the toys in and apparently he trapped the other one in there so it wouldn’t float around in the tub.

Poor guy didn’t realize that it had holes in so the poop was still IN THE tub even if he couldn’t see it.

Out.

Again.

Tears.

AGain.