I chose to follow Jenni’s prompt today. “Things you’re most afraid of.”
I will write about the things that create enough fear they could destroy me and the small things like spiders.
I can’t even look at a spider on my screen without shuddering and wanting to crawl inside myself to get away. Can you imagine how I react when I see a real one?!
The biggest thing on my mind these days is my mom. I fear the day she’s gone. I talk to her several times a week, sometimes daily. I’m her baby and as of right now I’ll never carry on the relationship we share. I don’t have a daughter and I’m sure I’ll never have one.
I never think about losing my husband. I’m comfortable enough in our relationship that I know with all my heart we will be together forever, by choice. The fear of something happening to him is something I never even let enter my mind. I can’t go there. I can’t imagine not having him by my side.
When I was in the hospital last year, I briefly imagined how it would be if I ended up leaving my children motherless and I nearly feel apart. I’m grateful for skilled doctors that made sure they put me back together again.
I can’t fathom losing a child. Yet, my sister faced this just over a year ago. The brokenness that over takes you every time you would dream your child is there but he’s not!?
That is my greatest fear.
These are all real fears.
I’m a busy mom, so I don’t have time to think about these often. I couldn’t function or get through the day if I did, but these are the things I’m most afraid of. These are the things that are most important to me.
Things I’m afraid of:
1 – that something will happen to my son.
2 – that I will have complications from my spinal cord injury that will incapacitate me and make me unable to work and be active. In particular, any more decubitus ulcers.
3 – that I will never get out of the dire financial situation I am now in
4 – that I will never, ever meet anyone that wants to marry (or even date) me – and that I also want to marry (date).
I would say my father’s death but that has already happened several months ago. I felf he was the person in the world that cared the most about me and my son and although he was not well, his death was still sudden.
I am right there with you on your fears. From being the baby in my family to not having a daughter of my own, I so fear losing my mom and losing the relationship we have. And as more time goes by I know our time is becoming more limited. It’s terrifying.
Taryn @ More Skees Please´s last blog post ..When Mama Bear Comes Out
I think fear of losing one’s loved ones is one of the biggest fears… oddly enough, being the big scaredy-cat that I am, I don’t let myself go there too often either. Everything else, though? Fair game, haha!
Erika´s last blog post ..What am I afraid of?