This post contains affiliate links
First things first. Why not watch this CUTE little video about my family?
This is me, Priscilla AKA The Wheelchair Mommy, when I was 36 weeks pregnant with my 3rd son.
Don’t hate. I look awesome. Admit it. I have.
Janie Jones Photography
Here I am long after the baby came out. He was almost 3. I still look pretty fabulous (thank you concealer) except more tired. Three boys will do that to you, but you don’t have to take my word for it. Try it and let me know what out think.
Who am I?
I am a daughter. I’m a sister. I’m a wife. I’m a Mommy. I’m a teacher. I’m a writer.
I still have NO idea what I want to be when I grow up. Maybe a doctor? I might be that 50 year old gimpy Med student you read about in the news.
A little back History.
My name is Priscilla Hartman Hedlin. I must get my maiden name in there for anyone that doesn’t know me now. I live in Austin. Well, actually a suburb of Austin, called Pflugerville. The P is silent. My little town has a habit of putting Ps in front of Fs. You only get it when you live here.
I grew up in Shiner. Yes, where they make the beer (my favorite is Holiday Cheer and Ruby Red Bird) and I lived in Vidor for a short amount of time. I AM Not proud of the town and it’s history but made some pretty amazing friends in the short time I was there. Sarah. Amanda. Tiffany.
Why I blog and who I blog about.
Just after I was paralyzed, one of my nurses gave me a book written by Joni Eareckson Tada. That was the first time I realized I wanted to document my life, so if you ever read this, THANK YOU JONI!
When I first started documenting my life it was all about me and my new life with a spinal cord injury. I lost my first website (geocities). I got married and then I had kids and my journals became about them and I discovered “real” blogging. Everything became about us and now that the boys are getting older it’s slowly becoming more about me again. Life is truly a circle. I suppose when my boys are 30, they would much rather read about me anyways, but I still want to document their childhood. I’m sure their spouses will much rather read about them than the woman they hate.
A FEW must read life stories.
If you like videos you can see my OLD intro vlog. It’s mostly short. A little loud. Super sweet. I will record another one soon. I promise. (fingers crossed)
- I was born in 1981 and was the 9th and final child my parents had together. They were so CLOSE to 12. In fact my dad had 12 if you count his first son and step daughters. Shut up about my age ;).
- I had a sister die in October 1986. I remember details of visiting her for the first time at the funeral home. I can’t get it out of my head. I was 5.
- I lost my last grandparent in 1993. I never met the others, they all passed before I was born. However, I did have a step grandpa that I knew as CJ. He was the only grandpa I ever knew, but I am referring to biological. He died in 1988? or 1989?
- My parents divorced when I was 2 and I lived with my mom until I was 16 (almost 17) and then I moved in with my dad.
- After I graduated I moved in with my BFF, Sarah.
- To answer the “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU” question…I was in a car wreck and paralyzed in September 1999. It left me with a spinal cord injury at L1, 2. That means I am a paraplegic. The person that caused it was a very good friend of mine at the time.
- When I got out of the hospital I start my first webpage. Today it would be a blog. I’ve been blogging for OVER 15 years. Yikes.
- I met my husband in 2001 and we got married in Niagara Falls a year and a half later in 2002. I was no longer Priscilla Hartman (I’m throwing my last name out there so anyone from my past can find me if they want to. I don’t mind. I googled myself and there isn’t much out there with my maiden name. Don’t judge. You’ve done it to…or you will when you leave my blog, or you may leave my blog JUST to do it. NO GO. GOOGLE YOURSELF.)
- Our first son was born in 2004.
- My dad died a few months later in 2005. There are several posts on that.
- Our second son was born in 2008 and I was told NEVER to have anymore due to complications.
- We bought our “forever” home in the fall of 2008. Then we decided it wasn’t big enough and bought our forever home AGAIN in 2014.
- Chick-fil-a became my favorite place.
- My husband bought his dream car. I’m still waiting for mine.
- My mother-in-law died unexpectedly in the fall of 2009. I’ve written several posts about that, too.
- We bought a sailboat, technically it’s big enough to be called a YACHT. Why haven’t I blogged about it? Then we boat a sunfish, which is a smaller boat. Then we bought a pop-up camper. We have far too much stuff.
- I recapped the last decade if you are really curious.
- In the spring of 2010 I got a second opinion and my dreams of having more (or at least one more) baby came true. The high risk doctor said I would be able to safely carry again and in Oct. 2010 I got my BFP! I was pregnant.
- On valentines day we found out we were having our 3rd little boy. Say it. You know you want to. MY THREE SONS!!
- In June 2011, our THIRD son arrived.
- That same year I was hospitalized with a MAJOR infection and had to have my rods removed.
- I didn’t think I could go on.
- My nephew was hit by a car and killed.
- In the fall of 2012 I started Homeschooling.
- People frequently ask me inappropriate personal questions about my paralysis. You can find the answers out here if you really want to know and I’ll NEVER know you looked. 🙂 (kidding here, I really don’t mind but it does get tiring.
- People also ask perfectly appropriate questions about how I do stuff and if I have help.
- I jumped our of an Airplane. 3 times.
- In 2013 we joined a co-op.
- My oldest son became a BLACK BELT in 2014.
- My step-dad was diagnosed with cancer and we reunited him with his son. They hadn’t had contact in nearly 40 years.
- We bought a camper and immediately drove it to Las Vegas so my mom could visit my sick brother. He also has cancer.
- In August 2014 we moved. Again. This time is the last time. I swear.
- In August 2015 our boys returned to Public School.
You are an amazing woman! I am speechless….
I'm so glad you did the Monday Mingle otherwise I might have not found you or your blog. 🙂 I totally love your humor and outlook.
What an amazing attitude you have. Plus you're beautiful and funny. I think I'm in love!
You are an amazing woman with an amazing spirit.
I've always been proud of you.
Thank you!
Well, everybody else already said it but I can repeat it right? Love the blog! You rock. And no, not because you are positive despite being in a wheelchair – I would like the blog if you weren't "Wheelchair Mommy" – you are just that kind of person. 🙂 Glad I found your blog!
~ Alyna
Can't describe how excellent it is to "meet" other moms in wheelchairs. I'm the new mom to a 2-month-old. I have OI (brittle bones) and my husband does too. We're new to baby wrangling but I've been blogging for awhile-just not ever on a topic that's quite so much fun! I'm adding you to my link list now and will be back soon:)
I’ve only just read this page, and I love it already. I was paralyzed in 92, just after my 12th birthday. Not an actual spinal cord injury, no trauma to speak of, but a “we think this is what happened” sort of mystery. I’ve always dealt with it similarly – what good does feeling sorry about myself do? Why should I waste the tears, I’ve got stuff to do!! I’m about to turn 30 and I’m 12 weeks pregnant with my first and VERY excited to keep reading!
have you ever had any problems with pressure sores? do you have any suggestions on how to prevent them?
I just found your blog through The Blog Frog. My boyfriend’s brother is a disabled vet. He was also injured in a crash, he was in Korea and their armored truck rolled. Since the crash, he went on to meet his wife and they have 2 lovely children now. They have a charmed life now, he is an Olympic athlete, he competed in the 2010 games in Vancouver, on the US Curling Team. He and his family have a beautiful home, they travel, etc. This would never have been possible if he didn’t have his positive attitude. I’ve seen the Daddy version, I look forward to reading the Mommy version of parenting on wheels.
Aww, thank you!!! You are absolutely right. It’s all in our attitude and how badly we want it 🙂
wow. you rock 🙂
also, in case you can’t see it…your post has some symbols randomly thrown in… things like this… I’ it has happened to a few of my posts too 🙂 just thought you might want to know
C.R.A.F.T.´s last blog post ..Birthday Party Round Up 6
Thank you and Thank you. I keep meaning to clean those up! 🙂
I LOVE your story…you’re so right!! Why let it get you depressed? What in the world would that help!! I am forever teasing wheelchair bound people when I meet them that I’d like to ride in their wheelchair. They think I’m crazy (which I probably am) but at least we all laugh about it. I love happy people no matter their circumstance.
PatriciaD´s last blog post ..Photoshop Tutorial – Made for you
I get that one all the time. It makes me chuckle.
Wow, amazing. Three kids, too. I don’t know how you do that on it’s own let alone blog and ride your wheelchair. Thanks for being such a positive role model. Now, have you thought about boudoir photos…? 😉
Alison Golden´s last blog post ..Pole Dancing- Boudoir Photos – What Is Happening To Me
You and I are kindreds in our way of tackling life. What’s the point of focusing on the negative and letting it define us. I admire you and your resolve to live a great life in spite of the challenges you have been given. Thanks so much for stopping my little place in the bloggy world. 🙂 Tomorrow’s another great interview with MamaKat if you’re interested in more tips. 🙂
I guess I just make the time. It’s my only real hobby :).
Boudoir?? ?hmmm …. No. Not right now anyways. 18 week pregnant belly isn’t all that cute. HAH.
You definitely have the right attitude! And I think more people need to learn to laugh at themselves, whether or not they’re in special circumstances. My boyfriend & SIL both rely on wheelchairs due to muscular dystrophy – & I’ve never met more people with a “crippled” sense of humor. If you don’t laugh about it, you’re gonna cry about it – & that’s so much worse.
Renee´s last blog post ..Day 2 – Oh- how I love thee! Let me count the ways
Thank you for sharing and offering inspiration! Your attitude is awesome, and I’ll be spreading the cyber-word. 🙂
Jeannie´s last blog post ..Emotional Eating- Break the Cycle
@Jeannie, Thank you so much. Attitude is very important. I wish more people knew that.
What an inspiring story!! You are an incredible woman! I’m intrigued by your story, and looking forward to reading more!
Katie´s last blog post ..How To Be Alone
@Katie, Thank you very much for the kind words and for visiting on my SITS day….I hope you enjoy reading and following our journey 🙂
I just found you on the SITS site… and thought I would pop over to say hello. Now I can’t stop reading this! You are an extraordinary person living an extraordinary life. Thanks for sharing it with us!
@DivinePainter, Thank YOU for stopping in. I am very thankful for all the visits. 🙂
Wow…you are truly an amazing and strong woman!!! That is so wonderful because I think your attitude has definitely allowed you to make your dreams come true (minus the paralysis as you say:-)) I bet you appreciate life a lot more than many of us! Your boys are darling and they will all be so cute growing up together. My boys are almost 13, 12, 7 and 4 and it is so much fun watching them grow. I can only imagine when they are all adults:-)
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!!
Anna
@Anna, Thank you. Your words are very kind. I’m not looking forward too mine being that old. I’m trying to enjoy it. Even the days it’s crazy and makes me cry.
Here from SITS #cocktail!
Amber´s last blog post ..Wordless Wednesdays- Feline UTI
I know what you mean about forgetting you’re in a wheelchair. I do the same thing…after 13 years in a wheelchair I still don’t consider myself handicapped…I remember the first time one of my kids drew a picture of me in a wheelchair, it totally shocked me cause i don’t see myself that way.
Glad I found your blog.
I’m following from bothe my blogs:
http://wheelchairdecor.blogspot.com/
http://myelevenreasons.blogspot.com/
Thanks, Becky Jane
I totally get the reaching thing….I’ve had a trach for almost 11 years, and I have to cover it to talk. After that many years, I STILL sometimes try to talk and “forget” to cover my trach, expecting sound to come out….Duh!
what an inspiring story…i just heard about your blog on scarymommy. my fiance is paralyzed from the belly button down. like you he is a stay at home dad and still does everything like he used to two years ago before his 4wheeler accident. he is very upbeat and has no self pitty what so ever. the only thing that bothers him i think is the fact that he cant go out and work and make a living for his family anymore…i remind him everyday that by takin care of our 3 girls he works very hard for our family. i will def show him your blog and keep reading it myself!
@brandi, Thank you Brandi!! I love when I find others that look at life the same way I do :).
Hi Priscilla, it’s nice to meet you, I’m JC, and we just followed eachother on Twitter. Wow, you sure have been blogging a looooong time! I’m off to check out your blog!
The Animated Woman´s last blog post ..CHOCOLATE Soaper HERO!
@The Animated Woman, yes, it has been a long time 🙂
thank oyu
You are awesome. And that is all. 🙂
Alison@Mama Wants This´s last blog post ..Two sides
@Alison@Mama Wants This, you are very sweet 🙂
Hi Priscilla, Thank you for sharing your story. I too am a wheelchair mommy. I have 3 beautiful girls. I too was injured when I was 18 hate to put my age on this but it will be 21 years this year. Thank you for inspiring others. Cherrie
A mutual friend from Twitter, 2preppygirls, suggested I take a loom at your blog. My life is just the opposite of yours (somewhat!). My husband is in a wheelchair due to an MDA-like condition known as Friedreichs Ataxia. We have two tween-age sons and a more than full life!!! Nice to meet you! 🙂
First of all, you are absolutely beautiful in that picture, even my son said so! Second of all I have chill bumps as I read that, yes they are still there. It just goes to show you, it can all only make you stronger. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the trials and tribulations. You are truly an amazon person and I am so thankful that our paths have crossed!
Whitney´s last blog post ..Wordless Wednesday: Pooped
Awww, thanks, girl!! I’m so happy to have met you too!
There’s a lot to be said about strength and determination, about love and faith and moving beyond what are supposed challenges. Good for you! If you were here, you would see my happy dance. My partner is in his 11th year of Parkinson’s and he is determined to not identify with his disease … as you are definitely not identified with your wheelchair.
Wishing you all the best ~ Patricia
You are so very right. It’s not always easy to not be identified with something SO visible but it sure makes life more enjoyable!! 🙂
It’s nice to get to know you. I’m working on 31DBBB with Shelley and the rest of the gang, and yours is the first “about me” page I have read. I have to say that I love your voice – it’s so fun and inviting. I know that sometimes my writing gets kind of formal and I hope to adopt a more casual voice over time. Also, I have to say that recording things for your sons is a GREAT idea – the blog I just started is all about finding out things about my immediate family, who are all gone now. Good for you!
Jocelyn
Thank you for visiting and for all your kind words!! I think your blog sounds awesome! I will be checking it out soon. 🙂
I found your blog through the linky on Shelly’s page. I wanted to let you know I adore your blog! Love so many of your posts and can’t wait to keep following you!
Allyson
Thanks!! I really appreciate you stopping by! 🙂
I wub you!
I wub you too!
I have had the honor of meeting this amazing woman in person…she is just that, amazing! She is down to earth and fun. Her spirit…wow! and of course, she is the most excellent mommy. Her children just precious. She told me today, “I just wanted to be happy!” She just has this attitude about her that i will strive to demonstrate:) I feel very thankful that I have had the opportunity to meet her and learn from her. Even with 3 boys and a busy life, she has found time to help me. Help that I desperately need…I consider her one of my angels. Thanks Priscilla from the bottom of my heart!
BIG, HUGE hugs to you!! I am so grateful we met!
Glad to meet you! I’m so glad you stopped by from Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. Truly amazing story and I love your sassy attitude 🙂 Congratulations for son #3!! What a beautiful family! Looking forward to reading more… Happy New Year!
Steph from Be Positive Mom´s last blog post ..Your New Year In The Making – Part II
Thank you so much … there will be plenty more to read.
Just found your blog and I’m loving it! Good thing it’s Friday night and the kids will be in bed soon so I can devote the next 2 hours reading more! I’m a C5-C7 Walking Quad 8 yrs post, single mom of 3 boys and yes, I call them My 3 Sons, too! lol I love your positive attitude! You sound a lot like me…I try to always stay positive and look on the bright side. Your life is what you make it. Although I’d love for a cure to be found for us all, I wouldn’t go back and change things even if I could. I’ve learned so much about my self, my body, human nature, and life in general that I wouldn’t want to lose a single bit of it! Since I am able to walk now, I am very thankful for what I have and try to never lose sight of what COULD have been. I wish you the best of luck and happiness!
I would never change things either, My life is wonderful 🙂
I am a 28 year-old quadriplegic wheelchair user who has a book of poetry/prose coming out in March 2012 titled The Virgin Journals released by A S D publishing out of New Jersey. The book will be split into three sections; Life, Love, World. It is going to be roughly 170 pages long and is a good mixture of memoir poetry & person centered world views. My hope is that people will be able to learn about themselves by reading my words. I would love to make myself available as a possible interview for your site. Thanks for any interest!
Good luck with your book. I’lll let you know if I ever need a guest spot. I don’t advertise here though, unless I personally know you. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story! This is much needed encouragement. While I am not in a wheelchair, I do have limitations due to a back injury and I thank God for people like you that help to keep it positive. People who don’t have injuries sometimes just don’t get it and are not always helpful in keeping it positive. 😉
*New follower. I found your blog through LiveMom.com.
Joyness Sparkles´s last blog post ..Shabbat
Welcome! The best way to live is positive 😉
That was a very inspiring story. You make me realize that I need to appreciate life more and keep a more positive attitude about life. You are one very brave mama!! You rock!!!
Sara
Aww thank you!!
What a beautiful person you are and I am so inspired by your story and strength. I was diagnosed with Transverse Mylitis in 2004. I was lucky that it only caused me nerve damage and didn’t cause the paralysis it can cause in so many cases. I am very mobile and like you, I had 2 children after my attack which I was told was high risk. I am so thankful for my soul mate and for the challenges I have overcome and the mother and partner it has made me. I will continue to follow your blog as you inspire me to not sweat the small stuff (which I sometimes do). Please know you touch many with your story. Thank you!
Hey! nice to have you here and P.S. — even I sweat the small stuff sometimes 😉
i was just reading your blog and realized we have the same level of injury. I also got a spinal cord injury at the level L1 September 3rd 2006. This blog is AMAZING! i loved reading it!
Hi, Autumn! Nice to meet you and thank you!
I just found your site and started reading it. I was just in an accident and and am now a tetraplegic. I was so worried about having more kids.Your attitude is great and you give so much inspiration.. It’s so refreshing to see someone in a wheelchair who has such a great life and outlook. I haven’t met anyone or talked to anyone who had their children after starting the new chapter in their life in a wheelchair. Your story gives me hope that I’ll have more children someday and fulfill that want in my life, so thank you.
HI Charlotte! I’m sorry to hear about your accident but happy to hear you find my blog and that I can give you hope.
Im also in a wheelchair, from south africa. I had to kids before paralysis and wud like to have more. Im trying my best to be positive and move on with my llife, thanks for people like you who encourages us. Id like to get marriedd one day to someone who will luv me for who i am and wu wud look beyond my paralysis.
I’m sure you will find that Patience! Just stay positive.
Your story is so inspiring Priscilla! It’s such a great reminder to stay positive and be grateful for life every day 🙂 Love that photo of you at 36 weeks – so gorgeous!
Annie
The Other Side of Gray
Thank you Annie! I love that picture too~
I have read your story and I can’t help but be amazed at your positive attitude. Having gone through my own life challenges I still can’t compare to what I hear or read about and I am very sure everything happens for a reason so that God’s name can be glorified. I host a TV show here in Kampala Uganda and I call it Taking Back The Moment. I feature success stories of people who have gone through life changing experiences and trust me you are an example I am so going to give my viewers. May God continue to bless you and yours.
Love,
Sarah
Thank you SArah. 🙂
I came across your blog from the Blog Every Day In May challenge. You have such an inspirational story, I love how honest and open you are with everything. Good luck with the rest of the challenge 🙂
Ruby´s last blog post ..Every Day In May – Day 9
Thank Ruby. I think Honesty is pretty important 😉
Unfortunately I didn’t have two hours to read as and as I mentioned in another comment I’m actually supposed to be working right now. I have however dropped a link back here on my desktop and will come back and have a real poke around. later. Perhaps tomorrow or perhaps in three days. Who knows but I’ll be back.
Just as a pointer Most of what I have read so far does indeed sound inspiring so feel free to mumble a bit more. On another note I’m no fan of Chick-fil-a. GROSS! I think everyone need a little disagreement. Even the most inspiring people. LOL My wife however loves the stuff so —- I am forced to eat there once in awhile just to keep the homefront tranquil.
Have a happy day,
Barry
Barry Kidd´s last blog post ..Photographers and the random photos that we shoot
Thanks again Barry.
We eat at chick-fil-a WAY too much.
The kids love it – – and it’s close.
At least it’s tastey (to me ;-D)
I just stumbled across your blog, and I LOVE it! I spent about an hour just browsing your old posts and I really connected with and loved your post in May titled “something someone told you about yourself”.
A close family friend was paralyzed in a ski accident when we were just 16. Like you, he has continued to do things that everyone else does, finish school, have kids, get married, all while having a great attitude about life. As weird as it is for him (and you) to hear, you guys inspire people because so many people get down and negative about much smaller things than an accident that leaves you using a wheelchair. It’s so awesome tat you are willing to reach out to other families to show that it is possible!
nice to meet you Kim! THank you for your kind words. 🙂
Hi Kim!! Thanks for letting me know you found me. I love when my readers reach out and can relate in some small (or big) way. It’s why I love to blog.
May I ask why your pregnancy is considered high risk? I’m a c7 quad and I was born in 1981 too.. we are trying for a baby and I’m super scared ..lol..my dream is to have three kids..is it impossible considering my age?
My 3rd pregnancy was the only one that was high risk. I had a placental abrupt ion with #2 so we wanted to take extra care. It had absolutely nothing to do with age or injury. 🙂
I commented earlier on FAQs, and I love that you put, “I still do everything i want to, I just do it sitting down..” when some distant friends got wind of my other friends paralsys, they asked me, “how will he go to the bathroom”? or “he lives alone, how is he going to care for himself”? I was appalled (not really, I expected those questions, they were “eye rollers”) and i simply said “He’ll probably do everyhting the same, just chilling in his chair, if hes okay with it, why cant everyone else”. So thank you! I am so glad someone else put it out there as well!
I love that you said you still do everything you want to do, you just do it sitting down. I absolutely LOVE your attitude. I hope people who are new to paralysis discover your blog and feel relieved that others are out there still continuing on with their lives. You are such an inspiration.
Ashlee´s last blog post ..The Time I Forgot The Diaper Bag
Thank Ashlee! That’s my hope too :).
I’m just reading your stories and really feeling like smacking your ex-friend but I guess that would not be so nice. You have been through so much. It’s people like you that make the world go round! Keep it up and big hugs to you and your family!
🙂
You made me giggle, Erin!!
I hope I’ll see you at TKD more!
Thanks for sharing your story. I found it very interesting and well written.
Love this site. I am a C6/7 incomplete and am 16 weeks along. We are very similar in that our paralysis has not stopped us from living the life we have wanted to live. In fact, I think it has fueled me to prove people wrong about paralysis.
Looking forward to reading in the future. Also feel free to check out my blog also. carrieLsunday.com
Carrie Sunday´s last blog post ..another from the white buffalo.
I love your answers. Your bluntness, your everything. Reminded me of a while ago. I was in a wheelchair, the doctors had told me and my parents I’d never walk again. I was sitting in said “thing” in the zoo, watching monkeys eat. Some older couple walked past me, stopped behind me, and the wife whispered, “Look, a shame, isn’t it, she looks so smart and yet is so disabled. The poor thing, having to sit in that thing!”
I turned around in my thing and said, “Don’t worry, it’s okay. The thing actually helps me get around.”
She blushed, again turned to her husband and said, “Well, how was I supposed to know she can speak!”
Honestly, Priscilla, you are an inspiration; I used to live in San Antonio and I still LOVE Shiner. I wish we’d met in person when I was still “over there”!
Hi Kim! Thank you for reaching out. I don’t think anyone ever suspected me of not being able to speak but wowzers. It would have been great to meet you! 🙂
I am not even sure why she would’ve thought that just because of the wheels, but hey… people do think strange things, don’t they.
Well, whenever I am in San Antonio, I’ll make sure to announce the visit first and maybe we can meet in San Marco’s 🙂
Sounds good. 🙂
Great post! Been reading a lot about dealing with a car injury. Thanks for the info here!
I’m glad you found me!
I have tears in my eyes reading through this. I am pregnant with our first child and found out just eight days into being paralyzed from the neck down from a rare neuro illness. Although I am recovering, I still have bouts of it and have heard some pretty terrible remarks about how I could possible care for a child if I cannot walk (crazy, huh?!). Reading through your blog has put such hope that if I do have other bouts, it will still be okay (and I can still be a MOM!). From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Lindsey @ DishingUpHope´s last blog post ..Packing for a Hospital Stay
You are so very welcome and know that you CAN do this (hug).
I too use a chair. But I’ve gone on to do beautiful things. I’m a teacher with a PhD. Oh the places these wheels have taken me…
Ps. I see your photo was taken by Janie Jones. She was a photog friend of mine and lived near me in KS! Great lady!
I love to hear when others don’t let the chair stop them either! 🙂
Janie Jones was awesome!
Thanks for letting me share Priscilla—
The Son of a Paraplegic Father, My Story:
I found my way to this site by searching for other adult children of paraplegics who may have developed similar anxiety issues as myself. I should start from the beginning of my search because I have actually had an epiphany and it involves life, death, belief, etc.
I’ve been feeling extremely anxious the past couple of days, and by anxious I mean worrisome and panicky. I lost faith in therapy a long time ago but, I did have a counselor diagnose me with GAD so I did have a little to go on. I’m prescribed klonopin by my family doctor, but these can rob you of your life in a way because if you aren’t feeling you aren’t living. Anyway, I did a GAD search and something stuck out: Some researchers believe that you have so much worry and fear because you have a much deeper concern that you are not addressing, and if you resolve the deeper concern all the other fears should return to that of an emotionally healthy person. I figured, what the hell I’ll give it a chance.
I started trying to trace back to my earliest memory of anxiety, it goes back pretty far to early childhood. I then began trying to find the root of it. It’s a fear of losing my parents, more specifically my father, who is paralyzed. Not because I love him more than my mom, but because throughout my life there have been more urgent risk associated with my dad. My dad was paralyzed in 1976, a few months before my birth. I won’t go into detail, suffice it to say, the cause was violent and heinous in a Martin Scorcese kind of way. There wasn’t as much help back then in ways of therapy to help someone who has just been paralyzed cope emotionally-or my Dad was too stubborn to accept the help that was available-so my Dad went through years of depression and alcoholism. In and out of the hospital and multiple suicide attempts. He’s better now and has been for a long time.
I think my parents’ stress and anxiety rubbed off on me, but more specifically, the doctor told my Dad that he would live for only about ten years after the incident. Fortunately medical technology has kept up with his condition, but back then he believed it. When he made it past the ten year mark I guess he thought I should be prepared so he told me that, “he wouldn’t be around much longer.” I think I was too young to process that emotionally, but again, I think he wanted to prepare me. I think I’ve worried about him obsessively since then.
So admitting that my primary fear was my Dad’s death made me confront it. No one is exempt, many of you have lost a parent or will lose a parent, we all know we share this as part of the human condition. Why would it gnaw at me anymore than anyone else? Simple, I’m an atheist. I’m not an agenda-having-firebrand, I believe we all should be able to believe what makes sense to us. And I’m not a non-believer because of my childhood and my Dad’s condition. I’m atheist because it makes sense to me.
My dad is and always was a great father, husband, and an even better grandfather. He taught me so much- he turned my attention to art (I’m a Graphic Designer), he gave me a love of intellectual pursuits, a love of science, the list goes on and on-and I carry all of that with me as a man. He went through his bad times, but he gave so much to so many. He understands people in a way that I envy, and I am not prone to envy. I have a younger cousin my dad used to babysit, and my cousin loved watching the discovery channel with my dad, especially sabre tooth cats-I was a teen at the time and my attention was on, ummm… extracurricular activities with the opposite gender. My dad buried an old chicken bone, gave my young cousin a spoon, and told him to dig where that mound was that there was something funny about it. My cousin did so and thought he had found a sabre tooth fossil. I asked my Dad why he never did that with me and his reply was, “you weren’t interested in that stuff, you were happier with pencil and paper.” To me, that statement was profound, my dad has an ability to accept people for who they are and not, who he wants them to be.
So my epiphany was this: I haven’t accepted that I will lose my parents someday and as an Atheist I also have no emotional/spiritual way to deal with it when I do, and that, may very well be the core of my excessive anxiety. Knowing I have something to work on now helps. I feel I can conquer this fear and all the tendrils that sprout off of it and invade my peace of mind.
With all of that out of the way. I want say to everyone raising a child and dealing with a spinal injury. Never feel insecure in your child’s/children’s love for you. You don’t embarrass us and you could never be a burden on us, we love you with the same intensity that a child of parents without a disability do. If not in some ways more, because we understand that life is fragile and valuable beyond words, and it makes us more empathetic, and I feel, better people.
My Dad is, was, and will always be my hero -despite his handicap.
Thanks again for letting me share, Priscilla.
Wow Priscella. I am a t4 complete paraplegic who raised 3 children as a single mom . It is a relief to see that you do not resent being the child of a paraplegic . My kids have always been great, and say they are proud of me. However, I always wonder if they ever wish that they had an able bodied mom . I am also an atheist . Some people think that I am an atheist out of bitterness, because I am paralyzed . I was an atheist before the accident that caused my spinal cord injury . Anyway… I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed reading your words . Thanks, Linda
Thanks for writing Linda. I am the paraplegic though! 🙂 I’m not a child of one.
Hi Priscilla,
I like your sense of style, and I’m very impressed by your site and by how long you’ve been blogging! I need to take a few lessons from you 😉
I’m also a “wheelchair blogger”. I was born with Cerebral Palsy, which affects my motor skills, balance and coordination. My blog, Spashionista, is about my passion for fashion, trends, and a glimpse at life in Nashville with a steady push towards social awareness and acceptance of people with disabilities.
Drop in and say hello if the mood strikes you.
Alicia
Spashionista.com
Spashionista (Alicia)´s last blog post ..Last Minute Gift Ideas
Hi Alicia! Thanks for stopping by! I will definitely check out your blog.
I don’t know how I found your site, but a good blog is when you realize you’ve been reading it for the past hour and you’re completely drawn into the stories. Very inspiring.
Julie´s last blog post ..How to Handle a Heckler
Hey I am for the first time here. I came across this board
and I find It truly useful & it helped me out a lot.
I hope to give something back and help others like you aided me.
Dkyo-Review.Elephancube.Jp´s last blog post ..Dkyo-Review.Elephancube.Jp
This post is worth everyone’s attention. Where can I find out more?
It’s truly very complicated in this active life to listen news on Television, therefore
I only use the web for that purpose, and obtain the hottest news.
Pornos´s last blog post ..Pornos